Beauty in the Breakdown
by theatrchy2004
Summary: After the shooting, how will the doctors at Seattle Grace move on?  Post-Season Six.  Mark/Lexie, Alex/OC, other usual pairings.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, so this fic takes place after the season 6 finale, but before the season 7 premiere and kind of spins off from there. Incorporating some things from season 7, but not others. _

_I own nothing and no one (though I wouldn't mind owning Mark!) _

_Please R&R!  
_

* * *

Lexie unlocked the door to her apartment. The door echoed behind her as it shut. She'd only just signed the lease. The place was empty except for her suitcase, backpack and an air mattress. She sighed and sat down on the air mattress, pulling her laptop out.

Meredith had tried to convince her to stay at her house, but Lexie had insisted on moving out. If she was going to make a full recovery she needed some space. She needed her own place and some serious "me" time. As long as she was at Meredith's she would be surrounded by people walking on eggshells around her. She got enough of that at work; she didn't need that at home too.

It was a nice apartment. Small, it was just a studio really. One room with a kitchenette, bathroom and a surprisingly large closet, considering. This would be her home, her sanctuary. She could and would get through this on her own. She was going to show everyone she wasn't just Little Grey anymore.

* * *

"Hey, Derek?"

Derek looked up from his patient's chart. "Lexie. What can I do for you?"

"I heard Meredith mention you have this Saturday off and, well, she doesn't but I do, and I was just wondering…" Lexie rambled.

Derek smiled. "Spit it out , Lexie."

"Furniture. I need furniture and I was planning to go garage sale hopping this Saturday, and, well, I'm stronger than I look, but I'll need help lifting some things and Meredith is working and—"

"I'd love to," Derek cut her off a second time. "Pick you up at eight?"

Lexie smiled. "Eight would be great. Thanks, Derek."

"What was that about?" Mark asked from behind as Lexie scampered off.

Derek gave his friend a pointed look. "Leave her alone, Mark."

Mark feigned innocence. "Just asking a simple question."

"You can talk to Lexie about it. When she's ready. Give her some space."

Mark's eyes darkened. "I had to have her committed. I watched while they doped her up so much she slept for three days. She won't let me in. She won't talk to me, she won't even look at me. I just want to know… is she okay?"

Derek's eyes softened. "She's as okay as the rest of us, Mark."

* * *

As promised, Derek arrived at Lexie's apartment at 8:00 sharp Saturday morning.

"I brought donuts," he smiles as he stepped inside the apartment.

Lexie smiled. "Thanks. Coffee?"

"Please." He set the donuts on the counter and took a look around. It was the first time he'd seen the place, but the smell was fresh in the air. "When have you had time to paint the place, Lex?"

Lexie swallowed nervously as she poured the coffee. "Oh, just a little here, a little there."

Derek watched her closely. "Are you sleeping?"

"Derek," she sighed, "I'm a resident. We don't sleep. You know that."

"You know what I mean, Lexie."

"Don't, Derek. You're the only one who's looked at me and talked to me like I'm a normal person since… that day. Don't you start treating me like a walking time bomb too."

"I'm sorry." He picked up the donuts. "What do you say we take these on the road and get this place furnished?"

Lexie sighed in relief. "Thank you."

* * *

Meredith plopped down on a gurney in the basement, next to Alex.

"Lexie's birthday is coming up. Lexie's birthday is coming and I have no idea what to do. She used to be this shiny, happy person and now she's dark and twisty like me. I can't brainstorm with Cristina 'cause all she can talk about is weddings. Lexie's birthday is in a week and I have no idea what to do."

"Do I look like I have a vagina? Why are we having girl talk all of a sudden?"

"Alex, come on. Have you even talked to her since she was committed?"

"Why would she want to talk to me? I couldn't deal with her shit then and I can't deal with it now."

Meredith regarded her friend for a moment. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"Shut up," Alex commanded in his usual annoyed, yet bored manner.

"It's okay to care about her, Alex."

"Crazy Eyes doesn't need someone like me caring about her," Alex stated firmly as he stood up and stormed off.

Meredith sighed. "I still don't know what to do for her birthday."


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2 is UP! This chapter is very Alex-heavy.  
_

_Please R & R  
_

* * *

Lexie hummed softly to the music on her mp3 player. She had taken to diving into a medical journal and filling her head with music over lunch. It was the only way she could ignore the stares and whispers that surrounded her.

As she came up to a page turn, she dared a glance upward and met a pair of slate blue eyes across the cafeteria. Her breath hitched in her throat and her face grew warm. She tried to ignore the conflicting emotions he stirred in her.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious, she turned her attention back to her article, but the words blurred before her eyes. She could still feel him, his eyes on her. She could feel him approach. Figuring there was no way to avoid this, she let out a frustrated breath and lifted her head to address him.

He was gone. Instead she saw Alex standing in his place with an unreadable expression on his face. It didn't take long for him to walk away, leaving Lexie alone again.

* * *

"Good job, Grey," Mark praised the resident on his case.

"Thank you," Meredith smiled behind her mask while the scrub nurse removed her mask and gown.

An awkward silence fell on the pair while they scrubbed out. Meredith had been overly concerned about other people's feelings since the shooting and Mark was not looking forward to whatever, 'Let's talk about our feelings' crap she was about to send his way.

"So, Lexie's birthday is this Friday," she finally blurted out.

"You think I don't know that, Grey?" Mark snapped.

"I…" Meredith blinked. "Yes, of course, I know that. It's just, I'm having a birthday dinner for her and thought you might like to come."

"This isn't a surprise party, is it? 'Cause those never go well."

"No, no surprise. I already talked to Lexie. She thinks a nice dinner with her friends would be nice. Although, she did request we play down the birthday stuff."

"I'm not sure ex-boyfriends count as friends."

"Mark," Meredith titled her head. "Lexie cares about you. She would want you there."

Mark stared at her long and hard before spitting out, "I'll think about it," on his way out the door.

* * *

"Dr. Karev, care to present?" Arizona offered cheerfully.

"Michael Austin Greene, nine years old, admitted with fever, vomiting, abdominal pain and swelling as well as blood in the urine." Alex read off the chart, glancing between the boy and pretty young woman with him.

"Thank you, Dr. Karev. Michael, did you understand any of that?" Arizona asked the boy.

"Means I'm sick," he answered miserably.

"Yeah, but we're going to see what we can do to fix that. Right, Dr. Karev?"

Alex offered an encouraging half-smile. "Yeah, man. We'll have you and your mom out of here in no time."

"I'm not his mom," the young woman proclaimed. "I'm not his mom, but his mom is going to kill me when she finds out about this. What if it was my cooking?"

Michael rolled his eyes. "It wasn't your cooking, Aunt Kathy."

Alex smirked.

"Well, blood in the urine isn't standard in the case of food poisoning, so I'msure it wasn't your cooking," Arizona explained. "Dr. Karev and I are going to go over his case and be back with some suggestions for fixing his tummy. That sound good to you, Micheal?" The boy just nodded. Arizona offered a sympathetic smile to him and Kathy before making her exit.

"We'll be back," Alex stated with a nod as he followed Arizona out.

"Any ideas, Karev?" Arizona asked as they convened around the research station.

"Could be his appendix, but the blood in the urine doesn't really go with that."

"Good. What do you recommend?"

"I'd do a CT. See what we find in there."

Arizona smiled. "Good." She handed him Michael's chart. "Let me know what you find out."

* * *

Alex had just gotten Micheal settled to get the CT started and gone into the observation room.

"Hey," Meredith pranced in, a bit out of breath.

Alex regarded her for a moment before speaking into the microphone. "Alright, Micheal, we're going to get started now. Just take deep breaths, in and out. You're going to be fine." He switched the mike off. "What do you want?" he asked Meredith as he plopped in the chair and got the CT running.

Meredith, ignoring his desire for her to go away, sat in the chair next to him. "I'm having this dinner thing on Friday. It's for Lexie's birthday. You should come."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Despite what you think, Lexie doesn't hate you."

"Doesn't mean she want me at her birthday party." He grabbed the mike again. "You're doing great, Michael." He turned back to Meredith. "I think I'll pass."

"Alex, it would be good for you to get out and see people. You've been spending way too much time in the trailer. Remember when Derek isolated himself out there? He was bitter and angry and he grew a beard. A beard! You would not look good with a beard, Alex."

Alex was no longer listening, his full attention on the CT. "Look at that. What does that look like to you?"

Meredith's eyes grew wide. "Oh my god." She leaned forward to get a closer look. "Is that a tumor?"

* * *

"Fortunately, Wilm's tumor is treatable," Alex explained to Michael's aunt. "Michael is an otherwise healthy boy with no other complications. We'll first need to do a biopsy of the tumor to gauge what stage we're at and then proceed from there."

"But you can fix it?" Kathy's warm green eyes pleaded with him.

"We'll know more about his treatment plan after we've done the biopsy, but yeah we can fix it," he smirked.

"Have you been able to contact his parents?" Arizona asked.

"I left a message at their hotel. They're traveling in Europe, so it's kind of hard to get through to them."

Arizona nodded. "Alright, well, we'll need you to sign some consent forms to get started, then Dr. Karev will prep Michael for the biopsy. I'll be around if you have any questions." With that, Arizona rolled away, leaving Alex alone with Kathy.

She sat down in a waiting room chair. "This is all happening so fast."

Alex sat down on the table in front of her. "It is, but you're doing great. The nurse will walk you through all the paperwork and we'll get Michael taken care of."

"This isn't how we're supposed to spend our time together. Every year he comes to spend a month with 'Crazy Aunt Kathy' while his parents go on vacation. We're supposed to be eating cotton candy and going to the zoo, not sitting in a hospital."

"Well we're going to get Michael in and out as quickly as we can." Alex gave her his most reassuring smile.

He didn't know why, but there was something about this Kathy that drew him in. Alex usually did not care much about his patients' parents, or other adult figures. They usually got in the way of patient care anyway. Kathy, though, he wanted to protect and make this whole situation go away. It scared him because he hadn't felt like that about anyone in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long since I posted an update! Okay, I know this chapter is short, but I promise it's about to get juicy! Please R&R!_

* * *

Friday arrived quickly, too quickly for Meredith who was scrambling about the house doing some last minute cleaning for Lexie's birthday dinner party.

"You invited Mark?" Derek's voice echoed sternly through the house.

Meredith winced when she heard the door slam behind him. "Have you seen the Windex?" she asked from her position digging around underneath the kitchen sink.

"We're out," Derek walked into the kitchen, placing his briefcase on the table. "You invited Mark?"

Meredith crawled out of the cabinet and sat on the floor. "Lexie needs to know she's still loved and cared for. I worry about her in that apartment all by herself. So, yes, I invited Mark because I want Lexie to know we are _all _here for her."

"So you thought inviting the ex-boyfriend who had to have her committed was a good idea."

Meredith let out an exasperated sigh. "He cares about her. Lexie knows that. I invited Alex, too, if that's any consolation."

Derek's eyes grew wider. "Oh. Yeah. That's great." He turned and hurried out of the kitchen.

"They care about her!" Meredith yelled at his retreating back.

* * *

Most of the guests had arrived by the time Lexie got there. She was glad it was just a small gathering. Meredith and Derek were there of course, along with Owen and Cristina, Jackson and April.

Lexie was actually enjoying herself. Jackson was a riot, keeping everyone in stitches and Lexie actually liked talking weddings with Cristina.

When the doorbell rang, Lexie hopped up to get it, as the hosts were preoccupied in the kitchen.

"Oh my god, Jackson, you're ridiculous," she laughed on her way to the door. Her smile instantly vanished when she opened the door to reveal two ghosts from her past.

Mark and Alex stood side by side, each with their hands stuffed in their pockets. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Hey," Mark offered a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Uh…" was the only response Lexie could summon up.

"Oh, good. You're here," Meredith brushed past Lexie to usher Mark and Alex in. "Derek can take your coats. You're just in time. Dinner's about to be served." She quickly shooed Lexie back into the living room.

Derek took a deep breath before summoning up his best McDreamy smile and greeting his guests. "Hey guys, come on in. Drinks and the birthday girl are in the living room."

Alex made his way into the living room, but Mark followed Derek up to the bedroom where the coats were being held.

"I knew this was a bad idea," he whispered gruffly. "I knew it the moment your wife made those pitiful, pleading eyes at me."

"For the record, I told her it was a bad idea." Derek was just as displeased with the situation as his childhood friend.

"Well, why didn't you put your foot down? You know, a little 'Man of the House' action?"

Derek let out a wry, sardonic laugh. "Have you met Meredith?"

"Too stone age?"

"Too stone age," Derek chuckled. "Come on, time to throw you to the wolves." He led the way back to the party.

* * *

"Heeey!" Callie's unmistakable voice filled the house. "Sorry we're late." She and Arizona took their seats at the dining table.

"We brought wine," Arizona announced.

"Thank god you're here," Mark grumbled in Callie's ear when she took her seat next to him.

Callie chose not to acknowledge the remark, focusing instead on the sea of faces around the table. Noting that Karev was there she understood her friend's distress.

"This looks delicious," she commented. "Who cooked?"

"Derek did," Meredith answered.

"Meredith helped," Derek threw in.

The various conversations around the table picked up again. Mark watched as Lexie grew more and more withdrawn as the evening went on. At one point Lexie got up and started clearing dishes.

"Lexie!" Meredith popped up. "Let me do that."

"Mer, it's okay. You don't need to make such a fuss over me."

"It's okay. I _want_ to make a fuss over you. It's your birthday." She took the dishes from her sister.

Lexie clenched her jaw. That was the last thing she wanted attention called to.

"Now you sit," Meredith continued, "and me and Cristina will take care of this."

"Wait, why me?" Cristina asked, flummoxed.

"You're getting married. Get used to being domestic," Meredith snapped.

"Okaaay, bossy," Cristina followed her best friend into the kitchen.

The room was left in an awkward silence.

"I feel the same way about birthdays as you do, Lexie," Arizona saved the day. The group eased its way back into conversation.

It didn't last long, however, as Meredith and Cristina came back into the room bearing a birthday cake with candles lit.

Lexie couldn't stand it anymore. As her friends sang "Happy Birthday" to her, Lexie felt the room closing in on her more and more with every note. She couldn't breathe.

So she ran.

The song came to an abrupt and awkward end.

"You couldn't have left it alone," Derek no longer tried to mask his anger.

"I thought this would help. I just thought…" Meredith couldn't finish. Not willing to let anyone see her cry, she ran up to her room.

"Oh, come on! Mer!" Derek called after her.

"I'll go," Cristina glared at him before following Meredith upstairs.

"I… we should go," April declared, standing up and nudging Jackson toward the door.

"Uh…us too," Callie stated. "You wanna come with us, Mark?"

Only at that point did anyone notice that Mark was nowhere to be found.

"Mark?"


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks so much for all the reviews! Please keep them coming! I'm amazed at how quickly I got this next installment out, but here it is! Hope you enjoy. ;-)_

* * *

He knew it was a long shot. Why would she come here? It had been such a long time since either of them had been here.

Mark turned his car off and stared at the lobby doors. Should he even go in? Would she be there? Did it matter at that point? After the night he'd had, Mark knew he definitely needed a stiff drink.

He flipped his collar up and trotted through the rain to the front doors of the Archfield. Passing through the lobby, he breathed a deep sigh of relief at the dry warmth of the hotel he used to call home.

He ordered a Scotch at the bar. Thanking the bartender for the Scotch he turned around and that's when he saw her. Sitting in their booth from days gone by was Lexie. She was watching the rain outside the window while the ice in her Jack and Coke melted.

All of a sudden, Mark felt like he had lead in his feet. She was right there! Why couldn't he just go over to her? _"Leave her alone, Mark," _Derek's voice echoed in his head. _"Give her some time,"_ he heard Callie say. _"Lexie cares about you. She would want you there,"_ it was Meredith's piece of advice that actually got him moving across the bar. He just hoped Big Grey was right.

"Hey," he greeted.

She looked up at him. "Hey," she greeted. There was no smile, but no rejection either.

"May I?" he asked. She nodded, so he slid into the booth beside her.

They sat in silence awhile. They'd watch the rain, the other patrons, sip their drinks. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, per se, but there was something missing.

Finally Lexie spoke. "I'm not supposed to be alive."

"What?"

"I'm not supposed to be alive," she looked up into Mark's eyes for the first time. "Mr. Clark came to the hospital to kill three people: Derek, the Chief, and me."

"Lexie, don't be ridiculous. How could you even know that?"

"Because he told me."

Mark's heart started to race. "In a dream, you mean. That's why you couldn't sleep. It was just a dream, Lex."

She shook her head. "It wasn't a dream. When I went to get the blood for Alex, I saw him. He pointed his gun right at me and told me that he'd come to kill me, Derek and the Chief. He hadn't meant for anyone else to get hurt. He… he was sorry."

Mark's heart stopped. He was powerless to do anything as Lexie went on.

"It's my fault that those people died. Percy and Reid… I didn't like them but they didn't deserve to die. I was supposed to die, not them. That's why I ran. How am I supposed to celebrate my birthday when I have their blood on my hands? I'm not supposed to be alive."

When Mark didn't respond Lexie rolled her eyes. "Great, now you're gonna have me committed again 'cause I'm experiencing irrational guilt," she tried to joke.

"No," Mark's voice was harsh. He grabbed her arm, firmly but gently. With his other hand, he touched her face.

Lexie felt her breath hitch as Mark's steel blue eyes bore into her. It was like her was trying to memorize every inch of her face.

"I knew I should have gone. I knew it wasn't safe out there," his voice was gruff and raw.

"No, Mark," Lexie insisted softly. "You're the better doctor. Without you there, Alex could have died, and if you had run into Mr. Clark, he could have killed you too. I couldn't live with that. If you'd died because of me… I don't think I'd have ever come out of the psych ward if you'd died, Mark."

"Did he hurt you?" Mark asked softly. His fingers were gently running over her arms, as though he would find some invisible wound he'd missed before.

She shook her head. "The SWAT team took him down before he could pull the trigger."

"Thank god," he pulled her into a tight hug. "I love you, Lexie. You know I'd do anything to protect you, right?"

"I know," she whispered in his ear.

"God, I want to kill him," he growled.

"Mark, no." Lexie pulled out of the hug and took his hands in hers. "You're a healer, Mark."

"He was going to kill you."

"I know. But _he_ was the killer, Mark, not you. You are a doctor. You're a good man; you're better than him. Don't ever forget that."

"I love you."

Lexie closed her eyes. "I know. I love you, too. I will always love you. But right now I need to be by myself. I don't want to jump into anything only to find out later it was just the PTSD talking and now I'm trapped. That's why I moved out of Meredith's. I have a lot to figure out for myself."

"That doesn't mean you have to be alone."

She smiled. "I know." She kissed him gently on the lips. "But right now, I want to be."

Mark swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched her walk away.

* * *

Owen and Derek stared at the closed bedroom door.

"They locked it," Derek stated, exasperated. "I didn't think the doors in this house even had locks."

"Maybe you should knock," Owen suggested.

Derek swallowed his pride and knocked on the door.

No answer.

Again, he knocked. "Mer?"

A piece of paper slid underneath the door. Owen and Derek exchanged glances before Derek picked it up to read it.

"'Until McDreamy stops being a McBastard, he can sleep elsewhere,'" Derek read aloud. "' P.S. Sorry, sweetie, Mer needs me right now. Kisses.' Kisses? Who are you and what have you done with Yang?" he asked through the door.

Owen smirked. "What can I say? She likes me."

Derek sighed. "Fine. Thanks for helping me clean up downstairs. You wanna crash here tonight? We've got a slew of soft surfaces to choose from."

"Thanks, I think I will."

"Hey, Owen?" Derek asked as they made their way down the hall to Izzie and Alex's old bedrooms. "Does Cristina talk to you? About that day I mean. Mer won't say anything about it, and she's not really acting like herself lately. Does Cristina talk about that day with you?"

Owen gave a short nod. "Yeah, we talk."

"Does she say anything about what's going on with Meredith?"

Owen's face hardened. "You'll have to talk to your wife about that. Goodnight, Derek."

Derek pursed his lips. Something wasn't right, and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

* * *

Alex made his way through the pediatric ward to his patient's room. She was right where he thought she'd be. He watched her through the window a moment before making his presence known.

"Hey," he said softly.

Kathy jumped, clasping her hands over her mouth so as not to scream. "Omigod, you scared me."

Alex smirked. "I have that effect on people." Nodding toward Michael, who was sleeping, he asked, "How's he doing?"

"He's in some pain. The nurse gave him some more pain meds, though so he can sleep."

"And how about you?"

She didn't answer, just turned back to watch her nephew sleep.

"Here," Alex shoved the Tupperware he was carrying into her hand. "I figured you'd probably be sick of hospital food, so…"

Kathy looked at the dish, then up at Alex, then back at the dish. "Thank you." She opened it. "It smells delicious. Is this from the birthday party you had to go to?"

"Yeah."

"And how was it?"

"Total bust. The birthday girl bailed, the host cried. About what I expected actually."

Kathy giggled. "And do you always bring party leftovers to your patients' guardians?"

Alex shifted uncomfortably and stood up. "I'll be by at 10:00 tomorrow morning to prep Michael for surgery," he announced.

Kathy nodded. "Okay. Thanks for the food."

He just nodded and turned to leave. Oh, this was so not good.


	5. Chapter 5

_Wow! Thanks for the reviews guys! Keep 'em coming and I'm more likely to be inspired to continue the story at a faster pace!_

_So this chapter is another shortie, and it's pretty Meredith-centric. I know, I know it's supposed to me a Lexie/Mark fic, and it is! But I'm really looking at developing everyone's PTSD experiences, not just my leads. Please R&R!  
_

* * *

Lexie groaned when she was awoken by a knock on the door at 8:00 the following morning. Willing the uninvited guest to go away, she waited until they knocked a third time before getting up out of bed.

"Rrgh. I'm coming!" She stumbled over to the door, her eyes still closed. "Who is it?"

"Meredith," came the muffled response.

Lexie sighed. She couldn't very well turn her own sister away, now could she? Especially after having probably humiliated said sister by storming out on her party. She unlatched the chain lock and deadbolt and opened the door.

They stared at each other until Meredith thrust her hand forward with a medium-sized Tupperware. "I brought cake. Since you didn't get any last night."

"Thanks…" Lexie took the container from her sister. "Come in, I guess."

"Oh, I don't have to. I just—"

"Mer, will you come in already?"

Meredith stepped inside the apartment and looked around.

"It's nice," she commented. "Not nearly as… scary as I'd thought."

Lexie choked on a laugh from the kitchenette where she had started brewing some coffee. "Scary? It's not like I live on Elm Street."

"I know. It's just… I worry about you over here, Lexie. At least when you were at my place I knew you were safe."

Lexie's eyes darkened. "If there's anything we've all learned it's that we can't assume we're safe anywhere."

Meredith forced the lump in her chest down. "Hey, I know! You should have a house-warming party. Yeah! We could make it a potluck since your kitchen is so small and everyone could see your new place."

Lexie rubbed her temples. "Maybe I don't want _everyone_ to see my new place. Mer, what's happened to you? You've turned into… well, me."

"And you've turned into me," her sister countered. "You're all dark and twisty now, and I just want my happy, bubbly sister back."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not dealing with my trauma as well as you are!"

"I'm not telling you how to deal with things. I'm just… I'm here for you. I'm here for you, but you won't let me be here for you. You won't talk to anyone and that worries me."

"I talk to Dr. Perkins. You should too."

"That…" Anger skated across Meredith's face. "He gets such a power high from holding those surgery clearances over everyone's heads."

"Really? 'Cause he cleared me for surgery two days ago," Lexie snapped.

"But you were committed!"

"Thanks for reminding me," the brunette spat bitterly.

"What's wrong with me? Why is he clearing everyone but me? Why is he punishing me?" Meredith polopped down on Lexie's bed.

Lexie put her arm around her sister's shaking shoulders and handed her a tissue. "This isn't just about me, is it?" she asked softly.

Meredith shook her head. "Everything's different now. Alex is hiding in the woods, Cristina's hiding in wedding magazines, you ran away… No one needs me anymore."

"Of course we need you. We just also have to cope with what happened in our own way. And Derek totally needs you," she teased.

"Derek can't know."

Lexie furrowed her brow. "Can't know what?" She was met with silence. "Meredith, what can't Derek know?"

"You have to promise not to tell."

"I promise. Now, what is it?"

Meredith finally met her sister's eyes. "I was pregnant that day. _Was_ pregnant. I miscarried. I was going to tell Derek before everything happened and then he almost died and I lost the baby."

"Oh, Mer," Lexie felt tears prick her own eyes. She hugged her sister. "I'm so sorry."

"Owen and Cristina know. And April. They were there when it happened."

"Derek would want to know."

"No. I know he's been cleared by, like everyone, but what if his heart is still weak? What if I tell him and it just… breaks him? I watched him die on that operating table. I can't lose him again."

"You won't. Meredith, I don't know where you got it in your head that you have to be strong for everyone, but you don't. You get to lean on us too." When she got no response, Lexie stood up. "Come on, coffee's ready."

Meredith smiled faintly. "Coffee sounds perfect right now."

* * *

Meredith returned home several hours later. To her surprise, Derek was home, reading the newspaper on the couch.

"I thought you had to go in to the hospital today," she observed.

"I took the day off." Derek closed his paper and focused his gaze on Meredith. "Decided I should spend the day with my wife. Maybe make her breakfast, apologize for being a jerk last night. Imagine my surprise when she's gone before I'm even out of bed. Breakfast was delicious by the way." He stuck his nose back in the newspaper.

Meredith rolled her eyes and strolled over to the couch. Snatching the paper out of her husband's hands she explained, "I was with Lexie. I wanted to apologize to her for last night, so I brought her cake. Then we went to the shelter and found a cat for her to adopt. Isn't he cute?" She held her cell phone up so Derek could see the picture she'd taken.

Derek smiled, but it didn't quite meet his eyes. "Adorable."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier," Meredith snuggled up to him and ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm sure breakfast was wonderful."

"So are we going to talk about what happened last night?"

"Nothing to talk about. I told you, I just apologized to Lexie –"

"I mean what happened between us."

Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry I made you sleep on the couch. I'll make it up to you." She grinned and straddled him on the couch. "We have the entire rest of the day for dirty sex."

Derek grinned. "I like that idea." They kissed. "Even better. Let's make a baby."

Meredith's grin fell flat. "What?"

"What? We've talked about it."

"I… but that was just talk, not… real plans!" Meredith bolted across the room before Derek even knew what was happening.

"Okay!" Derek stood and crossed over to his wife. "Okay, we don't have to make a baby today," he spoke softly, pulling her to an embrace. "It was just an idea."

Meredith clung to him tightly. "Just not yet, okay?"

Her voice was far away and broken. Derek hadn't heard her like this since the day she'd locked herself in the supply closet because she was afraid her mother would die alone. "Shh, it's okay. We can wait. It's okay."

* * *

_Again, please R&R! And here's the question for all of you: Should Mark be allergic to Lexie's new friend or no?_


	6. Chapter 6

_Don't you love when your characters take over and force you to write? That's what happened to me this morning. I'd stopped about halfway through this chapter about a week or so ago as I was stuck. But this morning Teddy and Mark worked their scene out for themselves and I was forced to write. The rest is history. Please R&R!_

* * *

"Clamp," Arizona softly requested. The scrub nurse of course provided the tool in question.

"So Karev," the perky peds surgeon began, "what's this I hear about you bringing birthday leftovers to our patient's aunt?"

Alex froze.

Seeing his reaction, Arizona smiled. "Come on, Karev, you know this hospital has eyes and ears everywhere."

"Yeah, nurses," Alex grumbled, earning stern looks from a couple of the nurses in the O.R.

"Just remember, she may not be the patient or even his parent, but it's a bad idea to get involved," the attending continued. "Care to remove the tumor, Dr. Karev?"

"He's your patient."

"You made the diagnosis. You get to do the honors."

"Cool," Alex smirked behind his mask. This day was turning out to be better than he expected.

* * *

Teddy approached the nurse's station, finishing up her notes and handing her patient's charts over to a nurse. "I'd like a urinalysis for Mr. Monroe. And up his pain meds, please."

"Yes, Dr. Altman."

"Thanks." At that moment Teddy noticed Mark standing next to her staring off into space. "Mark?" She looked all around the room. "What are we looking at?"

"When did I become the girl?" Mark blurted out.

"Excuse me?"

"When did I become the girl? When did I become the one who annoys everyone around him because all I can talk about is her? Last night I was all 'I love you' and 'You don't have to be alone.' I might as well have been Meredith 'pick me, choose me, love me' Grey. I want to get married and have a family and she needs her space. When did I become the girl?"

The response he got from his colleague was hysterical laughter. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she gasped. "I'm just trying to wrap my brain around this. You, the man who actually thought I'd maybe want to have a threesome with you and Reid, are so bent out of shape over a girl you can't think straight. This is classic."

Mark frowned. "You're a cruel woman, Altman." He stormed off.

Teddy saw the hurt on Mark's face just before he turned away.. She felt the slightest twinge of heartbreak for her ex-lover.

"Hey!" Arizona bounced up behind her. "What's up?"

"I think I just hurt Mark Sloan's feelings." Teddy was still flummoxed by the encounter she'd just had.

"How do you figure that?"

"I teased him because he seems to think he's actually in love with some girl just because she rejected him."

Arizona's brow furrowed. "That doesn't sound like Sloan. His lewd invitations are rejected almost as often as they're accepted. He just rolls with the punches." A light bulb went off in her head. "Oh! I bet it's Lexie."

Teddy furrowed her brow. "Lexie? As in Lexie Grey? As in mousy little resident Lexie Grey?"

"Oh yeah. They were together for like a year before you showed up. They even lived together for awhile."

"Huh. You think you know a guy."

Arizona smiled. "Callie seems to think he's some complex, tortured soul. Me, I'm not so sure, but I try to withhold my judgments for her sake."

Teddy sighed. "Andrew was right."

"Andrew was right? Who's Andrew and what was he… Oh, Dr. Perkins?"

"He was right. I always pick unavailable men. Owen, Mark, Andrew… Why do I keep doing this to myself?"

The blonde put her arm around her friend's shoulder. "Come on. Let's go raid the cafeteria ice cream supply. That always makes me feel better."

* * *

Callie found Mark in the attending lounge. She'd heard about his encounter with Teddy, and while she understood where Teddy had been coming from, she knew Mark was probably really hurting right now.

"Hey," she greeted. She wandered over to the coffee maker and poured two cups of coffee. She sat across the table from him and slid the second cup in his direction.

He glanced up from his work, noting the coffee. "Thanks."

"Sure." They sat in silence awhile. "So where'd you disappear off to last night?"

"You know they're making some great advances in treating burn victims? I think we should turn this hospital into the go-to stop for even the most severe burn victims. I mean, come on, I'm one of the top plastic surgeons in the country. If I really apply myself, I could bring in enough revenue to through cosmetic procedures to fund a burn unit. It's not like I have anything else to focus my time and energy on. This is golden!"

"Mark," Callie touched his hand.

Mark stopped his monologue and looked at his friend. He knew that look. She wasn't going to let him out of this one.

"She wants to be alone," he stated. "She said she loves me but she needs to be alone right now."

Callie nodded. "So you leave her alone."

"I don't want to be alone," his voice was small.

"You're _not_ alone," Callie insisted.

He stood up and started pacing. "Don't feed me some bullshit about how I have you and all my friends who love and care about me. Yes, I have friends, but they don't know me. You and Lexie… you're the only ones who really care. But you're always going to choose Robbins first and Lexie… I don't know what Lexie is doing, but it's certainly not holding my hand and telling me she loves me while I bleed to death."

"Mark…"

"I don't want to be alone."

Callie walked over and pulled Mark into a tight hug. "Then don't be. You get to choose whether or not you're alone. Not me, not Lexie, not anybody else."

"Yeah." Mark agreed, not fully convinced.

* * *

Later that night, Mark lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He thought over last twenty four hours.

Lexie's words haunted him. The thought of her alone and scared, faced with a gunman out to kill her… it scared Mark more than anything had every scared him in his life. He hated that she wasn't there lying beside him. He couldn't touch her, couldn't hear her breathe or feel her warmth. It was as though that bastard really had taken her away from him.

Then he thought over Callie's words. She was right. He was Mark Sloan. He could do anything he set his mind to. If he didn't want to be alone, he didn't have to be. Lexie could have died that day, but she didn't. She was still here, and that was something. Mark wasn't a man of faith, but something in his gut told him that things had happened the way they had for a reason. Lexie survived. Mark wasn't about to take that for granted.


	7. Chapter 7

_So my New Year's resolution is to publish at least ONE chapter of fanfic each week. Now, it may not necessarily be for this fic in particular, but I am hoping it will keep the juices flowing so that yes, I will be updating this fic more regularly! Happy New Year!_

* * *

The doctors of Seattle Grace worked so many hours in a day, so many days in a week; it was easy for them to forget what day of the week it was and completely lose their bearing on life. It was for this reason that on her rare second day off in a row, Lexie found herself in church.

Finding herself to be completely at peace for the first time in a long time, even since before the shooting, she was reluctant to leave the sanctuary even after the benediction. She remained in her seat, watching the congregation mill about and chat with each other as they made their way out. It was difficult to make out the details of their conversations as the organ filled every corner of the room with its postlude.

Even after the postlude had ended Lexie stayed. She closed her eyes and absorbed the silence reverberating through the place. She soon heard footsteps and felt the weight of someone sitting in the pew next to her. She opened her eyes and smiled. "Reverend Mitchell."

"Little Lexie Grey," the pastor chuckled joyfully, opening his arms to embrace her. Lexie readily accepted the hug. "Why I can't remember the last time I saw you here. It must have been your mother's services."

Lexie tried to hide the pang in her heart at the mention of her mother. Instead, she lamely explained, "My work at the hospital… I'm lucky to have a day off at all much less it be a Sunday."

Reverend Mitchell nodded. "I understand. You're doing God's work, healing the sick as it were. What hospital are you at again?"

"Seattle Grace."

"Not the hospital they had that shooting at."

"Uh, yeah, actually…"

Reverend Mitchell clasped her hands tightly. "Are you alright? You weren't hurt, were you?"

Lexie smiled, "I'm fine."

"Were you close with any of the victims?"

Lexie shifted away from him. His intentions were good, but she had come here to get away from that awful day, not relive it.

"The organ sounds so much better than the last time I was here. You were finally able to raise the funds to fix it?"

Catching on, the reverend took her cue. "About a year ago. Good as new!"

"Dad!"

They both turned to the voice behind them.

"Dad," a handsome young man approached them. "Oh, hi," he nodded to Lexie. "Dad, Mrs. Delafield and Mrs. Winston are bickering over the floral arrangement again. I think the 'split the baby in two' story is in order."

Reverend Mitchell audibly groaned. "Oh! Lexie, you remember my son, Robert."

"Of course," Lexie smiled.

"If you two will excuse me…" the preacher took off for the courtyard at a mad dash, leaving the two youngsters to catch up.

"Lexie … Grey?"

"That's me," she nodded.

"Wow, look at you! You look great. What are you up to these days?"

"I'm completing my surgical residency."

"A doctor, eh? I always knew you were too smart for your own good." He winked. "Well, I've got to get going, but I hope we can catch up again soon."

"Uh, sure…"

Robert took off, leaving Lexie alone. She took another minute to herself before leaving. She felt safe here. But even as she left the safety of the church, somehow Lexie knew that everything was going to be okay.

* * *

Mark had been sitting in his car outside Lexie's apartment complex for the better part of an hour.

_What is wrong with me?_ he asked himself. _I am Mark Sloan. Men want to be me and women want to be with me. Why am I afraid to go talk to one woman?_

_Because this woman matters, _that nagging voice in his head that was usually right and always sounded like Callie chimed in.

Mark grumbled, "Stupid conscience." He grabbed the bouquet of flowers in the passenger seat. "Screw this. I'm going in."

* * *

Grebo was a special cat. He hadn't been much to look at in the shelter. He was blind in his left eye, which was clouded over with a scar. His fur had been so matted, he now had a buzz cut, as it was the only way Lexie was able to groom him. Still, she found him beautiful, scars and all.

She was reading a medical journal, Grebo cuddled up to her, purring away, when she heard a knock at the door. She sighed.

"Who is it?"

"Mark Sloan."

Her pulse immediately quickened. She opened the door. "Mark. Hi… Come in…"

At those words Mark practically stormed into her apartment. "I can't not be with you, Lex. I've tried. Before that day, I tried. I couldn't handle it. I _need_ to be with you. I know you think you need to do all this 'getting better' on your own, but you don't. I can help you. You put me back together; now let me put you back together."

"I don't need to be put back together by anyone, Mark! And even if I did, how long until I'm living by _your _schedule and _your _standards and losing myself piece by piece by piece? I'm not doing this because of the shooting, Mark. I went from living with my parents to living with roommates in college and med. School, living at Meredith's, living with you… I've never had a place to call my own, never been free to do what I want to do, the way I want to do it! But I was so scared of being alone, I never did it. In a sick, twisted way I'm thankful for that day, 'cause it helped me get my priorities straight and you know what came out on top? Me. I did, Mark."

Mark pursed his lips and huffed through his nose a few times. Then he thrust his fist forward. "I brought flowers," he stated lamely. "You know, for the apartment."

Lexie bit her lip to keep from giggling. He was so cute when he was flustered. "Thanks," she gently took the flowers.

"I just don't understand, Lex," Mark began again, softly this time. "I don't understand why you don't want to be with me anymore. I know I messed up last year with Sloane and … everything. But through it all, I always knew… you're it for me."

Lexie's heart swelled. She took his hand and leaned in. "I'm going to let you in on a secret. You're it for me too," she smiled.

Mark's grin nearly split his face. He leaned in to kiss Lexie… but instead he sneezed in her face.

"Oh!" Lexie closed her eyes and covered her face with the flowers.

"I'm sorry," Mark started. "I don't know what… Achoo!"

"Maybe it's the flowers," Lexie ran to the opposite side of the apartment to get the potential threat away from him.

Mark's gaze followed Lexie. "No, it's…" His eyes fell on Grebo. He glared. "It's _that._"

"Grebo? You're allergic to cats?"

Mark sneezed in response.

"Omigod," Lexie set the flowers on the kitchenette counter and grabbed her jacket. "Come on, let's get out of here."

* * *

Lexie brought two cups of coffee to a cozy corner table. They'd fled from her apartment to the local coffee shop across the street.

Mark grumbled a thank you. His eyes were still bloodshot and a bit puffy.

Lexie bit back a giggle as she took her seat.

"S'not funny," Mark sulked, his nose a bit stuffy.

"I'm sorry," she giggled. "It's just, you seem invincible. How was I supposed to know you were allergic to cats? It's never come up."

"I never thought you'd get a cat."

"Why? I love cats. We had a cat, Grizabella, when I was growing up. _CATS _was my mom's favorite musical. Then I went to college where you can't have cats, not that my friends and I didn't try…"

Mark smirked as he listened to Lexie layout her life-history of cat interactions. He could listen to her go on for days about sweat socks if it meant spending time with her.

"…and I know Grebo isn't much to look ay when you first see him, but I think he's beautiful." She finally finished.

"Let me take you out," Mark stated.

"What?"

"We don't have to rush into anything. We have all the time in the world and I want to do it right this time. I didn't do it right the first time, but you deserve to have it done right. So… let me take you out sometime."

"I… okay."

"When are you off tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's not good. Pulling a double shift."

"Tuesday then."

"Seven."

"Great, I'll pick you up in the lobby at 8:00." He gulped the rest of his coffee and stood up. "Thanks for the coffee, Little Grey." He winked and walked out of the coffee shop.

Lexie blushed. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Has she just agreed to a date with Mark? It was like she'd just had an out of body experience. She'd just sat there and watched while she agreed to go out with him, despite all her preaching lately about doing things on her own. Still, she smiled and enjoyed the butterflies in her stomach. She had a date with Mark, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

_Please R&R!_


	8. Chapter 8

_Okay, so... I totally broke my New Year's Resolution. I'm sorry! Life's just so busy you know? But here's another installment of the story. Please let me know what you think and don't worry, there WILL be more!_

* * *

"Mark asked me out," Lexie stated as she approached the research station.

"Okay…" Meredith replied.

"Mark asked me out, and while I didn't say yes, I didn't say no either."

"Okay…" Meredith didn't really see where this was going.

"Omigod, I have a date," her sister flopped her torso over the console dramatically.

"There, there," Meredith patted her back awkwardly.

"What's with Crazy Eyes?" Alex asked casually as he approached the console.

Lexie shot straight up. "Stop calling me that!" She jammed her fingers into the spot she knew held his bullet just under the skin.

"Hey! Ow!"

Meredith's eyebrows shot upward as she watched the interaction.

"And get that stupid bullet out!" Lexie yelled before she stormed off.

Alex groaned and rubbed his ribs gently, looking to Meredith for an explanation.

The blonde shrugged. "She has a date. How's your patient?"

"He's fine. He's recovering fine. We'll probably release him for chemo in a week or two."

"And how's his aunt?"

Alex didn't even look up from the notes he was making in his chart. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"What's her name? Kathy? She's all the peds nurses can talk about," Meredith teased. "That and how nice Dr. Karev is with her."

"Shut up," Alex grumbled.

Meredith stopped teasing. "Come on, Alex. I know you like her." When he didn't respond she continued, "She's not Izzie. It won't be like before. You deserve to be happy."

Alex slammed his chart. "Why don't you focus on your own happiness before you start worrying about mine?" He stormed off, leaving Meredith behind with her mouth hanging open.

* * *

"I'm taking Lexie out," Mark sat across the table from his best friend in the attending lounge. He was grinning from ear to ear.

Callie looked up from her research. "I take it she said yes?"

"Didn't give her a chance to say no."

Callie quirked an eyebrow. "I see."

Mark's grin disappeared. "What? What? That's your skeptical face."

"Nothing. It's nothing." She turned her attention back to her work.

"Torres," Mark growled.

She sighed. "Okay, fine. You're taking Lexie out on a date?" He nodded. "You still want to marry her, right? White picket fence, the whole bit?" He smiled and nodded. "Then this whole date is a charade. You date people you aren't sure about. You know. You know you want Lexie. _Everyone _knows you want Lexie, including Lexie!" Mark furrowed his brow. Callie sighed again. "Look, Mark, it's sweet, it is, that you want to do right by Lexie and go through all the proper courtship rituals, but you and Lexie are past that. You're either together or you aren't, and until she's ready, you aren't."

Mark frowned. He knew she was right. He was trying to erase the past when the past was what made them who they were today.

"I've got surgery," Mark stated gruffly before leaving the lounge in a hurry.

Callie shook her head. Were those two ever going to get their shit together?

* * *

Lexie was still in a daze. She couldn't stop thinking about her pending date with Mark. They'd never been on a proper date before. When they'd first started seeing each other it had been in secrecy and by the time their relationship became public knowledge they had been with each other so long that dates seemed kind of silly. Truth be told it felt silly even now, but still, Lexie was excited.

"Hey," April popped up beside her. "I hear you got a cat," she smiled and asked the nurse for her patient's chart.

"Grebo, yeah," Lexie finished the note in her chart. She couldn't stop smiling.

April glanced over from her own chart. "Okay, I know cats are great, but that smile can't have anything to do with a cat."

Lexie blushed. "I have a date. Mark asked me out."

April smiled, but it didn't quite meet her eyes. "Oh, that's nice. I hope you have fun." She turned back to her chart quickly.

Lexie felt a pang of guilt. She knew April wasn't seeing anyone. Come to think of it she hadn't known of April seeing anyone since they met when the merger happened. April was never her favorite person, but since the shooting, Lexie couldn't help but feel a certain camaraderie with everyone at the hospital, even her former enemies. They'd been through hell together.

Wondering if she should even say anything, Lexie started to wander away, but then felt herself drawn back to the mousier resident.

"You'll meet someone, April," she offered with an encouraging smile.

"Pardon?"

"You'll meet someone. There's someone out there for everyone."

April started blinking furiously. "Excuse me," she scurried away.

"Hey!" Lexie followed her colleague into the elevator. They were the only ones in there. _Why am I doing this?_ she asked herself. "I'm sorry," she spoke to April. "I don't been to rub salt in the wound or anything but just… you're a nice girl April. Maybe it's been awhile since you've dated anyone, but we're all in this together. We were all attacked by Mr. Clark, and I just want you to know that we're all here for you." April scoffed. "And you _will _find someone."

"I have friends, Lexie. I'm not all on my own if that's what you're worried about."

"I know that. You and Jackson are always together… oh." That's when it dawned on her. "You like him, don't you?"

April blushed. "Not like it matters."

Lexie giggled. "Of course it matters. You should tell him."

"He's interested in someone else." The glare April sent her way said everything.

"Oh." Then it hit her. "_Oh._"

The elevator doors opened.

"Thanks for the pep talk, Dr. Grey." April stormed out.

Lexie slumped against the back wall of the elevator as the doors closed. She felt awful. She'd only been trying to help and it had totally backfired. "Omigod, I'm turning into Meredith."

"Who's turning into my wife?" The doors had just opened again admitting Derek into the elevator.

"Hey," she smiled weakly. "I was just trying to help someone out and it totally backfired. Now I know how Mer has been feeling lately."

"How _has_ she been feeling? She won't talk to me." Derek immediately started interrogating his sister-in-law.

Lexie's eyes widened. "I… really shouldn't say anything."

"Lexie, please. She's my wife. I don't know why she won't talk to me, but she won't. After she came back from cat shopping with you she totally freaked out on me. All I said was 'Let's make a baby' and she nearly had a break down. What isn't she telling me?"

Lexie winced. "Derek, you really need to be talking to Meredith about this." Seeing the pain in his eyes she squeezed his arm. "I'm sorry." Quickly she bolted out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. She wasn't there to witness her brother-in-law release his fury on the elevator wall with his fist.

* * *

_Please R & R!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Gack! Has it really been a month since I updated this fic? Okay, here is the next installment. I know it's short but please R&R!_

* * *

It was 8:30, Tuesday night. It was 8:30 and Mark wasn't there. Lexie had been waiting for 45 minutes. She smoothed out her skirt for what must have been the millionth time.

_It's nothing. He probably just got stuck in a surgery or a trauma came in or something, _she tried to reassure herself.

"Lexie?"

Lexie looked up. It was Robert Mitchell from St. Anne's. She crinkled her brow. "Robert? What are you doing here?"

He gave her a dashing smile. She could tell he had a lot of confidence in that smile. "Dad mentioned you worked here. I didn't think it would be so easy to find you, though."

"Find me? Why would you need to find me? Do you need a consult on something?"

Robert laughed. "Wow, you really are a doctor. No, I just wanted to see you again, but I didn't know how to contact you."

"So you stalked me."

His eyebrows shot up. "No, no, nothing like that! Damn, I guess it would look like that wouldn't it. No, I just… you've changed. Since high school, I mean. I just want to get to know you again."

Lexie weighed her options in her head. Mark was late. Really, really late, and not so much as a page or text or anything as to why. Robert was right here, and there was no denying he was handsome. Really, really handsome. He didn't know about all her baggage, either. It would be a total fresh start, something Lexie had been trying to accomplish for herself for months now. But he wasn't Mark. He didn't know her inside and out like Mark did. He hadn't held her when she cried, or made her laugh at the end of a hard day.

"I'm seeing someone," she blurted out.

"Oh, okay," Robert was crestfallen. "I just, um, right. I'll see you at church again sometime?"

"Sure," she lied. She felt a slight twinge of guilt. She hated hurting people's feelings, but she knew lying to him wouldn't be helping anyone.

After she and Robert exchanged awkward goodbyes, she checked her watch again. 8:45. She sighed. He wasn't coming. She could call him or page him, but she was too proud for that. So she left.

* * *

Alex was avoiding her. There was no question about it. He made a point to only check on his patient when she was eating in the cafeteria or catching a nap somewhere else. He pretended he didn't care where she slept or what she ate, if she was taking care of herself. He pretended she hadn't gotten under his skin.

He was examining Michael, going through the motions, when the boy decided to throw a giant monkey wrench into his plans.

"She likes you, you know."

Alex brushed it off, "What are you talking about?" He barely looked up from the note he was making in Michael's chart.

"Aunt Kathy. She likes you. So why are you being a big jerk?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Michael rolled his eyes. "You're giving her the silent treatment. My mom does that to my dad when he forgets to pick up the dry cleaning. I know what it means, but Aunt Kathy didn't do anything to make you mad, so why are you being a jerk?"

Alex suppressed the flare of anger in his gut. He wasn't angry at the kid, though. He was angry at every fucked up relationship he's ever had, everything that had made him this way.

"Oh, Dr. Karev," a bubbly voice interrupted from the doorway.

It was Kathy. Alex now found himself suppressing a whole pressure cooker full of feelings now.

"I'm glad I ran into you," the redhead continued, pulling something out of her bag. "I wanted to thank you for everything you've done, you know, for Michael. I know it's not birthday cake, but I didn't want to poison you, so here. As a thank you."

She handed him a framed portrait of himself. It was perfect. Kathy was clearly a skilled painter, but more than that she seemed to have captured his essence. She'd even managed to capture his smirk.

"I can honestly say no one's ever given me anything like this. Thank you," he gave her a sincere smile.

Kathy beamed. "I'm glad you like it. I know Michael's moving over to oncology soon. I wanted to make sure you got it before then since I'm sure we won't be seeing you as often then."

Alex nodded. There was a moment of silence.

"Are you gonna ask her out or not?" Michale butted in.

Kathy turned bright red. "Michael!"

In turn, Alex glowered at the kid before storming out of the room. Kathy followed after him.

"Dr. Karev, I am so sorry. That was completely out of line –"

"Would you?" Alex interrupted.

"Would I what?"

He pulled her around the corner and spoke in a hushed voice. "I am breaking every rule in the book right now, not to mention… Look, do you want to get a drink with sometime or what?"

Kathy bit her lip. Her eyes sparkled. "Michael's parents arrive tomorrow. I… I would like that."

Alex smirked. "Cool."

* * *

Lexie was halfway through her second margarita when she felt someone sit at the bar next to her. It was Alex. She watched as he ordered from Joe. She didn't know why this amused her so much. Maybe it was the tequila.

"Thought you didn't like me anymore," she slurred a bit.

"Shut up."

"Aren't you afraid you'll catch my crazy cooties?" She giggled as she ran her fingers up his arm like a spider.

"Knock it off," he growled.

"Aww, come on, Alex. I just got stood up. Humor me."

He merely grunted in response.

"What's this?" Lexie grabbed what appeared to be a rectangular box off the bar.

"Give it back," Alex snatched at it. He was too slow, though, as Lexie had already spun on her barstool so he could not grab it away from her.

"Alex, I didn't know you could draw."

He sighed in defeat. "I can't. My patient made that for me. Well, his aunt did."

Lexie grinned. "Sounds like someone's got a crush on Dr. Karev."

"Yeah, well, she shouldn't."

"Is she cute?"

He didn't answer.

"Ahh," Lexie grinned wider. "So she is cute."

"Whatever. That guy she painted isn't me."

"It looks like you. It's really good. I think she captured you."

"_That,_" he pointed an accusatory finger at the painting, "is a good guy. Girls like her shouldn't be with guys like me."

Lexie's grin disappeared. Her whole demeanor softened. "You are a good guy, Alex."

"Whatever."

"No, really. I mean, sure, you're an asshole sometimes, but so's Mark. Hence my being here with you instead of out on a date with him."

"He stood you up?" She nodded. "Sloan's an idiot."

"I know, right?" Lexie proclaimed loudly.

Alex chuckled at his ex-girlfriend's inebriated state. "Whatever, you'll still go back to him."

The brunette sighed. "Yeah. Just like you'll go back to Izzie."

"Izzie and I are through," Alex barked.

"Okaaay, touchy. Alright you won't go back to Izzy, but let's face it. You and I are sooo not right for each other."

"Why are chicks always obsessed with who's right for who? McDreamy, McSteamy, Mc… Whatever! Chicks are chicks and duded are dudes. We hook up and we break up. Sometimes we're together for years, sometimes it's just a night. Whatever, it doesn't matter. In the end we all die alone anyway."

Lexie was lost in thought contemplating Alex's words when her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Three, get over to Meredith's right now, she's asking for you."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, she won't tell me!" Cristina snapped. If Cristina was freaking out, it myst be bad. "Look," she continued, "just get your ass over here." She hung up.

"I gotta go, Lexie stumbled off her stool. "Mere needs me."

Alex grabbed her arm to steady here. "Come on, I'll drive you."


	10. Chapter 10

_Okay! Here's the next installment of the fic! _

* * *

The air was thick with tension when Lexie walked through the door into her sister's house. It was silent, as if the place had been abandoned.

"Hello?" she called out.

There was a cacophony of footsteps from upstairs. Within moments, Cristina appeared. No sooner had she landed in the foyer she grabbed Lexie's arm in a death grip and dragged her up the stairs.

"Took you long enough, Three. I – have you been drinking?"

Lexie rolled her eyes. "I wasn't expecting my sister to have a crisis."

Cristina groaned. "You smell like tequila."

"Alex drove me, if that's any consolation. Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Derek called me. She's locked herself in her room and won't come out. She won't talk to him and all she said to me was 'I want Lexie.'"

Lexie drew a sharp breath. Why would Meredith ask for her? Cristina was her person. It was obvious Cristina was wondering the same thing.

They made it up the stairs and down the hall. Derek popped up from where he was sitting on the floor. His eyes were red and puffy, like he'd been crying.

"Please," he rasped, "help her, Lexie. I don't know what I did, but just tell her I'm sorry. I'll do anything, I just want my wife back."

Lexie just nodded. She exchanged glances with Derek and Cristina before approaching the door. She knocked gently. "Meredith?" There was a click of the lock. Lexie let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She gave Derek a reassuring smile before entering the bedroom.

It was dark. Only the moonlight filtered in through the window. Meredith was scrambling into the bed where she had apparently been burrowing all this time.

"Lock the door," Meredith quietly instructed.

Lexie did as she was told and lay on top of the sheets across from the older Grey. They stared at each other for a few minutes.

"Meredith, what's this about?" Lexie finally asked. "Everyone's worried sick about you. Derek thinks he's done something wrong."

At the mention of Derek fresh tears streamed down Meredith's already tear-stained face.

"Oh Mer, I'm sorry," Lexie brushed a strand of blonde hair out of her sister's face. "What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything!"

Not knowing what to do, Lexie held Meredith tight while her body wracked with sobs. When Meredith finally calmed down, Lexie thought she heard her sister say something. "What was that?"

"I'm pregnant," Meredith whispered.

"Really?" Meredith nodded. Lexie grinned. "Mer, that's wonderful." When she got no response she frowned. "It is wonderful, right?"

Meredith shook her head. "He's going to hate me! I lost our first baby and now he's not going to want this one and he's going to leave us and I'm going to turn into my mother and fuck my kid up so bad she tries to drown herself!" She was gasping for air.

"Shh." Lexie rubbed her back, waiting for her to calm down. Once Meredith's breathing pattern was regular again she continued, "Now listen to me. Derek is not going to leave you. He loves you, baby or no baby. You're Mer and Der."

"I can't tell him."

Lexie smirked. "I think he's gonna notice when you're the size of a house."

"No, I mean I can't tell him about the first miscarriage."

Lexie sighed. "For what it's worth, I think you should. He needs to know why you've been hurting so much. It's not like it was your fault."

"I told gun to shoot me." Lexie gasped at her sister's statement. "I told him to shoot me and then I lost the baby."

"Meredith, it's not your fault. You didn't shoot anyone. You didn't kill anyone. You didn't kill your baby. He did."

"I hate him."

Lexie nodded. "Me too."

"Okay," Meredith stated.

"Okay?"

The blonde sat up in bed and turned the lamp on. "I'm ready.

Lexie smiled. "Want me to send Derek in?"

Meredith nodded. As Lexie made her way to the door, Meredith stopped her. "Lexie." The brunette turned. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Lexie beamed.

* * *

Derek heaved into the toilet a third time. Unable to contain his stress, his body released it the only way it knew how.

Something was wrong with his wife. Something had happened that day and no one would tell him what. Now she was suffering a complete nervous breakdown and he was powerless to do anything. Derek hated feeling powerless. It made him feel like a twelve year old again, watching his father killed in front of him. He'd thrown up that night too.

He felt a hand on his back and one stroking his hair. It was Lexie. She smiled sympathetically.

"She wants to see you now." She handed him a cup of water.

Derek stood up, taking the cup she offered. He swished some water in his mouth and spit before making his way to the bedroom. The walk down the hall felt surreal, like one of those dream sequences you see in the movies. Yang was leaning against the wall, watching him. He nodded to her as he passed.

When he opened the door, Meredith was sitting up in the bed, her hands clasped in her lap. He was pretty sure she'd been wiggling her toes under the sheets before he'd arrived. He closed the door behind him but remained close to the exit. Meredith offered a tight-lipped smile. They remained in silence a few minutes.

"I'm pregnant," she finally stated.

Derek remained silent. He refused to get his hopes up until he knew where she stood on the issue.

"This isn't the first time," she continued. "That I've been pregnant, I mean. I was pregnant that day. I was pregnant and then Gary Clark shot you and held a gun to Cristina's head while she tried to save your life. They unhooked the wires so he'd think you were dead and leave. I watched you die. I watched you die and then our baby did." She was in tears by the ends of her rant.

Derek didn't even feel his legs move but he was at her side in an instant.

"I told him to shoot me," Meredith sobbed into his shoulder. "I told him if he really wanted to hurt you and Lexie and the Chief, he should shoot me."

"Meredith," Derek held her tighter.

"Please don't leave me. I didn't mean to lose our baby," she pleaded.

"Shhh." Derek could swear his heart was breaking. "I will never leave you," he told her firmly, "and this was not your fault. I just wish you'd told me sooner. We could have grieved together."

"I didn't want you to worry about me."

"I will always worry about you. You're my wife. I think I worried about you before I even met you. You can't take that away from me. Let me help you."

Meredith sniffled. "So you're not going to leave me to raise this baby a la Ellis Grey?"

Derek chuckled. "No way in hell." Suddenly he grinned. "We're having a baby."

Meredith beamed back. "We're having a baby." Her smile faltered. "What if it happens again?"

"Gary Clark is dead. He' snot coming back. And as for this baby," he rested his hand on her still flat tummy, "he or she is going to be just fine because I am taking care of the both of you from now on."

Meredith sighed. "Derek, I don't need you to take care of me."

"Yes you do. And even if you don't, too bad, it's happening." Meredith could feel his eyes stripping away all her inhibitions and fears. He continued, "You've taken such good care of me since that day and I thank you for that. But now it's my turn. It's my turn to take care of you, so let me."

* * *

Lexie held the mug to her lips and blew on her coffee. Her conversation with Meredith had definitely sobered her up, but with her car still at the hospital she had nowhere to go anyway, so she'd found herself in Meredith's kitchen making coffee.

She heard a footstep. It was Cristina. She leaned against the doorway, her arms crossed and an unreadable expression on her face.

"Hey," Lexie greeted. "There's coffee if you want any."

"Why did she ask for you?"

Lexie shrugged. "I don't know."

"I'm her person. I could have helped her."

"Look," Lexie shifted uncomfortably, " I know what happened that day. I know about the miscarriage." Cristina remained silent. "She's pregnant again now, and I think she was afraid it was going to happen again. I think she just … needed to be with someone who wasn't there with her on that day."

Seeming to understand, Cristina nodded. "It's hard to be around her too," she stated, mostly to herself. "Do you need a ride?" she offered.

Lexie smiled. "That would be great. Grebo's probably wondering where I am." She downed her coffee, ignoring the incredulous expression on Cristina's face.

* * *

Only the desk lamp shone in Mark's office when Callie approached. "You're gonna go blond like that," she smirked.

He looked up from the stack of charts he was working on. "Did you tell her?"

Callie sighed. "I did."

"And?"

"She seemed disappointed but I think she understood."

"I hate that I couldn't be there."

"I know." Callie sat across from him. "She's a doctor, too. She knows emergency surgeries come with the job."

"I want to marry her. How do I convince her to marry me if I can't even keep a date?"

"Mark, you're being too hard on yourself. Besides, Lexie's not ready yet."

"She's ready," he grumbled stubbornly. " She just doesn't know it yet."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Come on," she stood up. "You need to eat and sleep at some point tonight."

"What did she look like?"

"She was beautiful, Mark," she lied. In truth, she hadn't gone to see Lexie at all. She didn't want Mark to be hurt and the only way she thought she could keep the younger doctor from hurting him was if she kept Lexie away from him.

* * *

_So I'm not 100% sure how old Derek was when his dad died so I just picked an age; if you happen to know the exact age please tell me!_

_Also, I swear I am not a Callie-hater! I love Callie! The story's just kind of taken over at this point and really, her intentions are good though misguided. Don't worry, though, our pair will find their way back to each other. :-)_


	11. Chapter 11

_Yes, I'm still alive! Here's the next chapter!_

* * *

"He's back."

Meredith looked up from her chart to find Lexie across the console from her, gripping it for dear life. It had been a week since Mark stood Lexie up and she rejected her childhood acquaintance, Robert Mitchell. Still, she found Robert waiting for her in the lobby every night since then. It was creepy and as a result she'd gotten to know the security guards by the back entrance to the hospital very well.

Meredith sighed and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No. Yes. No. Would you mind?" Lexie cringed.

Meredith chuckled. "If it will make you feel better, I'll go talk to him. Better yet, I'll send Derek after him with a scalpel."

Lexie let out the breath she'd been holding. "Thank you. I mean, don't send Derek after him. Though, actually, I did tell him I was seeing someone, but I didn't say who, and since I haven't actually _seen _Mark all week I can't exactly ask him…"

"Lexie!" Meredith interrupted her sister's rambling. "If you don't shut up I'll never finish this chart and won't be able to go talk to him."

"Right." Lexie made a zipping motion across her lips then whispered. "Thank you," before scurrying away.

Ten minutes later, Meredith had finished her chart and found herself making her way toward the hospital lobby, rubbing her tummy. "Alright, McBaby, let's go kick some butt for your Aunt Lexie."

Lexie had pointed this Robert fellow out before, so it was easy to spot him. He sat near the door, a dozen pink roses in his hand. Meredith rolled her eyes. This guy really didn't take a hint did he?

"Hi," Meredith greeted, though there was no real cheer to her tone. "I'm Lexie's sister."

"Molly?"

Meredith's eyebrows shot up. She somehow always forgot she had another sister, even younger and more sunshine and happiness than Lexie.

"No, I'm Meredith," she clarified, "Lexie's older sister. Half-sister, really, different moms and all that. It doesn't matter though, because I'm going to be the sister who kicks your ass if you don't back off." She sighed. "Look, you seem like a nice guy, really you do, but you're acting like a creepy stalker. Lexie told you she was seeing someone else and you need to respect that."

Robert's eyebrows had nearly receded into his hairline and he wore a smirk that infuriated Meredith. She was about to tell him so when a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hi Robert, sorry I took so long. Oh, hi, Meredith."

Meredith shifted her focus to find April standing next to her. She was dressed in a striking, though modest, green dress and she'd obviously done her hair and make-up since Meredith had seen her in the pit earlier that day.

Robert smiled and moved to embrace April. "These are for you," he handed her the roses. April beamed and started gushing over the flowers.

Realizing she'd been standing there with her mouth hanging open for the better part of a minute, Meredith decided she should say something. "You're here to see April," she spoke slowly, trying to convince herself as well.

"I am," he smiled, clearly amused by the whole situation.

"Robert and I have gone out every night this week," April was practically glowing. "How do you know Robert?"

"Oh, I, uh," Meredith forced a laugh. "We're old family friends, right, Robert?" She playfully slugged his shoulder.

Robert looked down at the spot she'd punched him then back up at her. "Yeah, old friends," he chuckled.

"Well, have a good time on your date, you two," she turned to leave.

April and Robert turned toward the doors and stepped outside.

"Your friends here are weird," he smirked.

April smiled sweetly. "Well, Meredith's been having a hard time since the shooting. We all have."

"Well, let's forget all about that tonight." He stopped her and turned to face her. "Tonight it's just you and me." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.

* * *

"I really do have to go," he kissed her again. "I have the night shift," he explained between more kisses.

Kathy giggled. "I know, I know. Okay," she finally released him. "Go save lives," she commanded, practically shoving him out of the bed.

Alex laughed, grabbed his clothes and retreated into the bathroom. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. Kathy was sweet and funny and just _got_ him. And so far, he hadn't completely screwed things up; but then it had only been a week. His smile faltered.

No, he wasn't going to think like that, not yet. Kathy was like a life line. He'd take anything she offered as long as she's willing to offer it.

When he came out of the bathroom the bed was empty and he heard noises coming from the kitchen. He couldn't help but smile when he found Kathy fluttering about the kitchen in her panties and camisole.

"I can't cook, but I am an expert at packing leftovers," she proclaimed. "Here," she handed him a Tupperware of leftovers from the Chinese Food they'd ordered earlier.

"Thanks," he smirked and kissed her.

She walked him to the door, kissing him soundly before truly releasing him into the world.

"Bye, you," she grinned.

"Bye, you," Alex echoed back, feeling silly but not really caring.

When Alex turned he found himself facing none other than Lexie Grey walking down the hall.

"Oh, hey, Lexie!" Kathy peeked out from behind Alex. Thankfully, she'd wrapped herself in a robe, but Alex knew there'd be no fooling Lexie.

"Hey, Kathy," Lexie smirked. "Who's your friend?"

Alex glowered at his ex-girlfriend.

"This is Alex. Alex, this is my neighbor, Lexie. She's a doctor too. Maybe you guys have met."

"I gotta go," Alex declared before bolting away.

Kathy gave Lexie an apologetic smile. "He's late for work."

Lexie could barely contain her laughter. "I'm sure that's all it was. It was good seeing you Kathy." She unlocked her door across the hall from the red head.

"You too, Lexie. I've got enough left-over Chinese food to feed an army if you're hungry."

"I might take you up on that." Lexie let herself into her apartment. Oh, Alex was never going to hear the end of this.

* * *

_Sorry it's so short! Please R&R! It might inspire me to get cracking on the next chapter!_


	12. Chapter 12

_I'm ba-ack!_

* * *

_Derek walked along the rows and rows of tombstones toward the group of people dressed in black. He never understood why the sun always seemed to shine at funerals, especially in Seattle. It was against nature, both literally and figuratively._

_As he approached the group, their heads turned. He recognized some of them, but not all of them. He cut through the crowd to see the coffin. Why was everyone staring at him? His eyes met with the eyes of the pastor; the man with the clerical collar was none other than Gary Clark. Derek could feel his heart start to pound. He tore his eyes away and looked at the tombstone. It read "Meredith Grey."_

Derek woke up with a gasp. Disoriented, he fell off the couch. It took him a minute to realize where he was.

_My office, _he observed, looking around. He hoisted himself back up onto the couch, holding his head between his knees. The dream. He'd had the dream again. He'd been having the dream, and others like it, ever since Meredith had told him about that day. He barely slept at night, just held her in his arms. Which is why he'd fallen asleep in his office between surgeries.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.

"Come in," he grumbled.

"Hey, I need a consult on a patient, she's exhibiting signs of… you okay?" It was Mark.

Derek turned his weary eyes to his lifelong friend. "Fine. What do you got?"

Mark walked across the office, handing the patient's chart to the neurosurgeon. "Pit's full of residents from an apartment building caught on fire. Most of them got out in time and just have superficial wounds. This girl got out last; jumped from a third story window. I'm treating her burns. Torres is treating her broken bones but she's still unconscious. We suspect bleeding in the brain, possibly a subdural hematoma."

Derek let out a long breath. "Okay, I'll take a look at her before my next surgery."

Mark nodded. "You sure you're okay?"

Derek stood up, pulling his lab coat on. "Meredith told Gary Clark to shoot her. My wife almost took a bullet in the hopes it would save my life."

When he was met with silence, Derek turned around to face his friend. Mark's face was stone still, but his eyes swirled like a storm on the ocean.

"That animal almost shot Lexie. He actually aimed the gun at her. And you want to know the most fucked up part? She actually thinks he should have. Thinks that if he'd killed her no one else would have been hurt." Mark ground out, his hands balling into fists.

After taking a moment to absorb this, Derek actually chuckled. "Remember before we met the Greys, when we were just a couple of happy-go-lucky guys?"

Mark allowed himself a half smile. "Yeah. Whatever happened to them?"

"They got the dark and twisties," Derek smiled on his way out the door.

"Well, thank god for that," Mark smiled, following after his friend.

* * *

"I need the chart for Amber Li," Alex requested of the peds nurse.

"Oh, Dr. Grey already has it," she pointed across the lobby where Lexie was reviewing the chart.

Alex groaned and stormed across the room. "Gimme my patient's chart," he held his hand out.

"Our patient," Lexie replied, never peeling her eyes from the pages. "I hate peds."

Alex quirked an eyebrow. "I thought you liked kids."

"I _do_, but I hate seeing them sick and dying and just… being denied the childhood they deserve. I hate peds." She looked up at him. "But you like peds." She smiled. "Or should I say, you like some of the ladies peds brings in."

Alex scowled. "Shut up."

"Hey guys," Arizona rolled over. "Ready to save a tiny life today?"

Lexie stood up and handed her the chart. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Arizona raised her eyebrows, glancing between the two of them.

"She's in denial that kids can get sick too," Alex rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," Lexie hissed, hitting his arm.

"Is the personal history between my residents today going to cause a problem in my OR?" Arizona used her stern voice.

"No ma'am," Lexie answered meekly.

"Good," Arizona smirked. "Now let's go see to the teeny tiny patient."

* * *

"Grey! I need you in trauma room 5! Avery, you're with me!" Owen barked across the pit.

Swallowing back the nausea she'd been feeling all morning, Meredith followed the attending's orders. She and Derek had decided not to tell anyone else about the pregnancy until she'd reached the second trimester, just in case something happened. It would do no good to run off to the bathroom with morning sickness when the pit was busting at the seams.

"What do we got?" she demanded when she walked into the chaos of the room. Four paramedics were attempting to restrain a screaming five year old girl.

Meredith listened as they listed the extent of her injuries. Their attempts at restraining the child only made her fight back more. She was scared. "Let her go!" Meredith yelled.

"But we have to –"

"I said, Let. Her. Go." Meredith gritted out.

They took their hands off the girl, but she kept screaming and crying.

"Hey," Meredith pulled a stool over so she would be eye level with the girl. "I'm Meredith, what's your name?"

"I want my mommy!"

"I know you do, sweetie, and we're going to find your mommy, but right now we need to take care of your boo boos."

The girl calmed somewhat, though her breathing was still uneven and her eyes were red.

"Can you tell me your name?" Meredith nudged again, gently.

"I'm not s-s'posed to talk to strangers."

"You know what, you're right. Strangers can be scary, but sometimes they can help us, like when it's a policeman or a fireman or a doctor. I'm a doctor, see?" She showed the girl her nametag. "Dr. Meredith Grey. But you can call me, Mer, okay?"

Seeing the girl was still hesitant, Meredith continued. "And these are my friends, Paul, Ray, Leslie and Richard," she introduced the paramedics. "They're kind of like doctors. They want to help you too. We all just want to make your boo boos feel better. Would that be okay?"

Slowly, the girl nodded.

"Great," Meredith smiled. "Now you know all our names, how about you tell us yours?"

"Amy."

"Do you have a last name too?"

"Smith."

"Well, Amy Smith, it's a pleasure to meet you." She turned to Ray. "Could you see if anyone else with the surname Smith has been admitted? Thanks." Turning her attention back to Amy, she put a pair of gloves on. "Now Amy, I'm going to need to look at your boo boos and make sure you're okay. Is that okay?"

Amy nodded.

"Okay then, let's get started."

* * *

"Amber Li, three years old. After reporting abdominal pain and pale stools, her doctor ordered an ultrasound which revealed a Type IVa choledochal cyst on her liver. She's been admitted here today to have the cyst surgically removed," Lexie read off the patient's chart.

"Thank you, Dr. Grey," Arizona spoke cheerfully then turned to Amber's parents who were beside themselves with worry. "Do you have any questions?"

"I just don't understand how we could have missed this," Mrs. Li was wringing her hands.

"While it's usually caught in infancy, symptoms of these cysts show up differently in each child. It is no fault of your own that this wasn't caught until now," Arizona explained. "Amber is still young, and this is a standard procedure. I have faith the she will come through with flying colors."

"Will she have a scar?" Mr. Li asked. "She's only three. She shouldn't have to go through life with an ugly scar."

"This procedure is minimally invasive," Alex spoke up. "We will make a small incision which should barely leave a mark."

The parents sighed in relief.

"Especially with Dr. Grey on this case," Arizona continued. "Dr. Grey is quite the expert at the whipple stitch, aren't you Dr. Grey?

Lexie stuttered, "Well, I don't know if I'd say expert…"

"No, that would be your boyfriend," Alex all but barked.

Arizona clenched her jaw to keep her smile from faltering. "Dr. Karev will be back in shortly to prep Amber for surgery." With that she turned away from the worried parents and frowned at her residents, indicating they should follow her out. Once they got to the nurses' station she turned on them. "I thought you said your personal history wasn't going to be an issue."

Doe-eyed, Lexie protested, "But I didn't – "

"Not talking to you, Grey," Arizona's glare was directed at Alex.

"Whatever," Alex shrugged.

"Whatever? Karev, go prep the patient for surgery. Grey, you're scrubbing in with me."

"Hey what about me?" Alex protested.

Arizona gave him a sickly sweet smile before turning and continuing on her path to the OR, "You can keep her parents updated throughout the surgery."

Lexie mouthed an apology to Alex before following the attending. If there was one surgery she didn't want to be scrubbed in on, it was this one.

* * *

_Sorry it's short, but please R&R!_


	13. Chapter 13

_So sorry for the delay on this fic! It's so hard for me to find inspiration these days, but after what Shonda's done to my favorite couple, I knew I had to resurrect this fic! Long Live Mark and Lexie!_

* * *

"Care to make the incision, Dr. Grey?" Arizona asked cheerily.

"Uh, sure," Lexie wavered. "Thank you," she added as an afterthought.

Arizona observed the resident carefully. She knew by her reputation that Dr. Lexie Grey was an excellent surgeon, but she'd had limited one-on-one professional experience with the young resident so could not help but be dubious. "Good, Dr. Grey, you can stop now. Remember – _tiny _human."

"Right, sorry."

"No need to apologize," Arizona smiled under her mask. "I don't find you under my service very often. I'm glad to be able to provide a teaching opportunity for the Lexipedia. You will remember this, won't you?"

Lexie let out what could have been a sigh, a laugh or a groan, depending on how one wanted to take it. "Yes ma'am."

"Good. It would be easy to block it from your memory since you reportedly don't like kids."

"I… I-I like kids," Lexie stuttered. "I do. I love kids. I have two nieces. I-I-I just don't think it's fair when they get this sick, when they need surgery. I had to have my tonsils out when I was a kid and I just remember it being so scary, and I mean, I know that's like nothing compared to this, or what some of your other patients are dealing with, but I just remember being so scared and… I don't want that for them."

"Well, that's what we're here for Dr. Grey. We're here to help them not be scared."

* * *

"Talk to me," Derek barked as he breezed into the trauma room. The EMTs rattled off her injuries and stats in response. One of them handed off her CT scan results to him in the process.

"I've got to get her to an OR if she's going to walk again," Callie insisted.

"Then I guess we're going together, then. You were close, Mark, this girl has an epidural hematoma and I need to operate stat."

"You heard the man," Mark took the lead. "Let's move, people!"

* * *

"That's great, Amy, that's a good girl," Meredith praised the little girl she was examining in trauma room 5. She glanced up over the girl's shoulder at Ray who'd returned from yet another hunt for the girl's mother. He simply shook his head. Meredith pursed her lips.

Owen poked his head in the room. "You done here, Grey?"

"She checks out okay. I can clear out if you need the room."

"Do it," and as quickly as he'd appeared he disappeared.

"Okay, Amy, you're all better now. Just some scrapes and bruises that will go away in no time. Now Mr. Ray is going to take you – "

"NO!" the little girl screamed, throwing her arms around Meredith's neck.

Both Meredith's and Ray's eyes nearly bulged out of their skulls.

"It's okay," Meredith patted her back. "It's okay, Amy, I've got you. I'm not going anywhere." She shooed Ray away. "We're just going to go somewhere else so Dr. Hunt can help another hurt person, okay?"

Getting no response from the child but more sobbing on her shoulder, Meredith simply picked her up and made her way out of the room, making sure it was in order for the next patient. As she was exiting the room, Owen and his team burst in with a young woman on a gurney.

"Grey, where are you going? I need you!" Owen barked.

At the same time Amy screamed, "Mommy!"

Meredith turned to see the woman on the table. She was badly burnt, from head to toe and appeared to be unconscious. Realizing this was Amy's mother, she looked Owen in the eye and stated, "With all due respect, Dr. Hunt, she," she tilted her head toward the child she was holding, "needs me more."

Owen gave a curt nod before bellowing, "Page Sloan! Kepner, get in here now!"

"It's okay, baby," Meredith whispered to Amy as she raced out the door. "Everything's going to be okay."

* * *

The surgery was passing by without much incident. Arizona would let Lexie do some of the minor procedures, but took the lion's share of the surgery for herself. All was going fine until they'd removed the cyst. Arizona was about to start closing when Lexie pointed something out.

"What's that?" Lexie asked, pointing her finger anxiously at the toddler's open abdomen.

"What's what?" Arizona asked, peering closer to get a better look.

"_That._" Lexie pointed harder.

"Oh no…"

"Oh no? Oh no what? Not oh no. Please not oh no." Lexie was starting to panic.

"That, Dr. Grey, is a tumor."

"T-tumor? You're kidding right? How does a three-year-old get a tumor? That's not right. It's impossible."

"It's possible." Arizona sighed.

"Well… what do we do now?"

"You go inform the parents and ask them to sign their consent for a biopsy."

"I… no, I can't do that."

"You _have _to, Dr. Grey. I have to monitor the patient's stats."

"But – "

"No buts, Dr. Grey." Arizona was starting to lose her temper. "Go inform her parents. Now."

Lexie barely nodded before shuffling out of the room.

* * *

"Dammit," Derek cursed again.

Callie glanced up from her work, "Keep her alive Shepherd. No matter what I do, she can't walk if she isn't alive."

"I'm _trying_, Dr. Torres," Derek replied. "Suction."

"God, she can't be much older than, what, 25, 26?" Mark mused as he treated the burns on her upper arm. "Lexie's only 26. This could be Lexie."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Not every young woman you encounter is Lexie."

"I know, but I just…" Mark trailed off.

Derek glanced between his colleagues. "Can we please keep the dating drama out of my OR? I'm trying to save a life here."

"It's not dating drama if there's no dating involved," Mark grumbled.

"If she can't understand your commitment to your patients, she can't be in a relationship with you," Callie countered.

"But it's just so unlike her," Mark nearly whined. "She's not returned any of my calls… Damn, I really stuffed up this time."

Derek groaned inwardly as he took the bait. "Well, maybe if you hadn't stood her up, she'd return your calls."

"I didn't stand her up! I was in surgery and asked Callie to let her know. I can't exactly call or text her when I'm elbow-deep in a patient."

"You're a plastic surgeon; you're never elbow-deep in a patient," Derek was officially annoyed. "Besides, she never mentioned that Callie came by."

"But she did!" Mark insisted. "I asked her to talk to Lexie! Right, Callie?"

When Callie didn't respond, Mark looked over at her. She refused to make eye contact, focusing all her attention on the patient's knee replacement.

"Torres?" Mark prodded more urgently. "You did pass my message along, right?"

After a pregnant pause, Callie sighed. "No, Mark, I didn't, and do you know why? Because she's not good for you. She's only going to break your heart again, and I can't keep picking up the pieces."

After a long moment of silence, Mark's pager beeped.

"They need me in the pit," Mark stated as he stood up. "Page Avery, he can finish this up." Without another word, he left the OR.

"If this patient can't walk, it's on you," Derek bit out, "'cause I'll have killed her."

* * *

Lexie thought her heart was going to leap out of her throat, leaving a bloody mess on the waiting room floor in front of her.

The moment Mrs. Li caught sight of her face she began to cry, fearing the worst. Lexie gulped, taking a big breath, trying to pull herself together.

"Mr. and Mrs. Li," she started. Her mouth was dry. She hated this part of the job. The patient wasn't even dead, but she still hated it, hated being the bearer of bad news.

_Come on Lexie, get it together, _she scolded herself. _You are their doctor. Do your freaking job!_

"Mr. and Mrs. Li," Lexie's voice came out stronger by some miracle. It was almost as if someone else had possessed her body and was speaking to Amber's parents on her behalf. "We were able to remove the cyst without any complications, but behind the cyst we found what appears to be a t-tumor." She cleared her throat and tried to ignore the sounds of Mrs. Li's sobs. "We need you to sign your consent for us to biopsy the tumor to determine if it's malignant."

"So… it might be okay?" Mr. Li asked.

"It might be okay," Lexie replied stoically, trying to convince herself as well. "We just need to do a biopsy first."

"Okay," Mr. Li reached for the clipboard to sign.

"Okay," Lexie let out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.

* * *

"Dammit," Derek grumbled.

"Everything okay up there?" Callie asked calmly from her work station over the patient's legs.

The patient's monitor started beeping loudly.

"BP dropping!" a scrub nurse alerted.

"Shepherd…" Callie warned.

"Dammit Torres," Derek barked, "Whatever grey cloud of gloom you've got going on over there get it out of my OR."

"I can't leave this leg unattended."

"Then shut up!"

Callie pursed her lips behind her mask and let Shepherd work. After a few moments the monitor calmed down and the scrub nurse declared they were in the clear. The orthopedic surgeon let out a sigh of relief before resuming her work.

"Someone paged me?" Jackson entered the OR.

"Sloan got paged. She needs this skin graft finished up," Callie informed him.

"Alright."

"No sudden movements," Derek ordered. "I'm in her brain."

"Got it," Jackson complied. "So how's it going?"

Callie and Derek exchanged a look of contempt before silently continuing their work.

* * *

Though Amy was still a trauma patient, all the trauma rooms were full of the building fire victims. Meredith decided to take her to the residents' lounge where things would be calmer and much less scary for the little girl.

After some coaxing to get her to relax, Amy finally succumb to her exhaustion and fell asleep stretch out across Meredith's lap on the couch. They'd been sitting like this for the past 30 minutes, Meredith reading a medical journal, when Alex strolled into the room.

"Who's the kid?" he grunted.

"Trauma patient," Meredith answered. "She checks out fine but her mother was burned pretty badly so we're hanging out here. I thought you were in the OR with Robbins."

"Your sister stole my surgery. She doesn't even _like_ peds," Alex was beyond annoyed.

Meredith furrowed her brow. "But Lexie loves kids."

"Yeah, but she thinks everything is candy canes and lollipops and they can't ever get sick."

"Oh," Meredith chuckled, "well that does sound like Lexie."

"How'd you get saddled with babysitting duty anyway?"

"She wouldn't cooperate with the paramedics until I calmed her down. I guess she got kind of attached."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Well you look exhausted. Here," he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Oh, um," Meredith stuttered, "I don't really need this, we, I mean I can't."

Alex rolled his eyes again. The Grey sisters were two very different people, but there were times like these when it was very clear they were related. "Don't tell me you don't drink coffee now."

Meredith put the coffee cup down, pursed her lips and focused all her attention on her medical journal.

After a moment of observation it dawned on Alex. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Meredith's eyes opened to the size of saucers as her head shot up to face Alex again. Realizing there was no way she could fool him, she let out a sigh. "Yes. But don't tell anyone. We're waiting until we're sure everything is okay."

Alex smirked. "Cool."

* * *

The Lis has signed the consent forms and Arizona had biopsied the tumor. They'd just received the results and were going to meet with the family.

"Mr. and Mrs. Li," Arizona began, "The biopsy confirms Amber has a stage II Hepatoblasoma." Mrs. Li gasped and clung to her husband. "What this means is that we will be able to remove a majority of the tumor, but there will likely be some remaining in her liver. She will likely need to undergo chemotherapy to rid her body of the rest. I'm also recommending a CT to ensure the tumor hasn't spread, but her prognosis looks good."

"Sh-she'll be okay?" Mrs. Li asked, teary eyed.

"I can't make any promises, but all things point to up, Mrs. Li," Arizona smiled.

"Thank you," Mr. Li answered for the both of them.

"Amber will be waking up soon, why don't you go sit with her?" Arizona suggested.

As they parted ways with the patient's parents, Arizona complimented Lexie. "Good work, Dr. Grey. There's a very high chance you just saved that little girl's life by catching that tumor."

"How do you do it?" Lexie snapped. "How do you keep a smile on your face when you tell these people their children could be _dying_?"

"Dr. Grey…"

"It's not right! I didn't save her life, I've just made it worse! Now she can't just go home and be a little girl again, she has to stay here and get sicker and – "

"Dr. Grey!" Arizona cut her off. "Leave. Now. And don't come back until you can keep your negativity out of my department."

Lexie nodded before scurrying away from the furious blonde.

* * *

Mark shook the water off his hands vigorously. His work to treat her burns had been perfect, but they'd lost the patient.

"Where's the next of kin?" he grunted out.

"Dr. Grey has her daughter. We're still trying to locate her husband," the scrub nurse informed him.

"Let me know when you find him. Which Dr. Grey is that?"

"Meredith Grey."

"Alright. Would you inform her please?"

"Yes sir."

Mark was exhausted. He'd been up since 3:00 in the morning simply because he couldn't sleep before he'd been paged for the emergency. Add to that the stress of finding out his best friend had been lying to him about Lexie, well, needless to say Mark was in a sour mood.

Deciding he needed to rest awhile, he made his way to an on-call room. Instead of finding silence in which he could hide away in he heard someone sobbing. Heart-wracking sobs that seemed to reach out to him. When he peeked behind the door he knew why.

"Lexie."

Lexie looked up at him, her face streaked with tears, her eyes red and puffy. "I-I-I think I just killed a little girl."

"Lexie…" Mark moved to the bed she was sitting on and wrapped his arms around her.

"I mean I didn't _k-kill_ her, but I'm the one who found the stupid tumor and now she has to have another surgery and chemo and radiation and god knows what else! I'm the stupid doctor who ruined her childhood!"

"Shhh, Lexie," Mark stroked her hair. "Listen to me. _You _did nothing wrong. You probably saved her life. If you hadn't caught that tumor it would have gotten so much worse, bad enough that no treatment could save her."

"I just, if I weren't around, she could have gone on being a happy little girl."

"What do you mean if you weren't around?" Mark asked. When he received no answer he pulled back some, looking Lexie in the eye. "What do you mean if you weren't around, Lex?"

She refused to make eye contact with him, embarrassed by everything she was feeling. That's when it clicked for Mark. "You still think you're supposed to be dead."

"Mark," she sniffled. "I just … maybe things would have been better…"

"NO!" Mark stood up, furious. "Things would not have been better! You'd be dead and I –" he felt himself start to get choked up. "Dammit, Lexie, if you'd died… Lexie, if you'd died, I'd have died with you."

"Mark, don't say that."

"It's true. You're my whole life, Lexie. Even when we're apart, I can't stop thinking about you. I'll see a yellow candle at the drug store and think 'I bet Lexie would like that,' or kids on a playground and smile thinking about the family we could have together someday. It hurts when I'm not with you. If you were gone for good… it would be unbearable."

Lexie was still crying, but her sobs were softer now. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't know, I thought…"

"You thought I stood you up, I know," irritation started creeping into Mark's voice. "Callie was suppsed to have told you I was stuck in surgery that day. I just learned she didn't."

Lexie's brow crinkled. "But why?"

"Nevermind why, I can't… deal with her right now. Right now all that matters is you." He knelt before Lexie, cupping her face in his hands. "You need help Little Grey. This survivor's guilt is going to kill you. I'm not about to let that happen."

Lexie nodded. "Okay. I'll make an appointment with Dr. Perkins."

Mark smiled softly. "Thank you," he whispered.

* * *

_Sorry, kind of a long, boring chapter, but at least Mark and Lexie are on their way to being together again! I promise I'll try to update again soon!_


End file.
